Matthew 18:15-20 If Your Brother Sins Against You

When it comes to conflict resolution, nothing beats the procedure outlined in this passage. Yet I find myself ignoring it time and again. The first step is one of evaluation: "If your brother sins against you..." I have to discern if my brother's fault is worth a confrontation (second step: "...go and tell him his fault")  or if I am willing to let it go without a confrontation. I should be willing to sit down and talk if my brother's well being is in danger due to sin or if it bothers me to the point that I can't be at peace. Even if there is a misunderstanding on my part, I should be willing to sit down with my brother to clarify.

The reason I ignore this precious passage so often is fear. I fear hurting someone, so I tell myself. But reality is that true love speaks the truth and does not hide behind a mask of being "nice." There is no value in being nice when your brother's soul is in danger of hell or your peace of mind does not let you sleep at night. Since my need of venting is so great, my fear drives me to sin by violating the privacy clause "between you and him alone." Somehow, I feel justified to tell someone else my problem with my brother falling into gossip. I realize there is need for counseling to deal with internal issues, but venting with others and speculating about my brother's intentions and motives is not healthy at all. I must go to him!

So often I look at conflict as a nuisance to avoid instead of an opportunity to grow a relationship. The benefit is clear: "If he listens to you, you have gained your brother." There is much to gain from proper conflict resolution. If my brother does not listen, I should be willing to bring witnesses. If I am willing to bring witnesses it is because I am very certain of what I am talking about. I should not bring witnesses to a situation if I am not certain. If my brother still ignores my warning, then I should be willing to come to the church - not the whole congregation, but its representative government (pastor, elders or governing board).

If no resolution is possible after all this, it means that my brother may not be a brother at all. I should have compassion and treat him like an unbeliever: "let him be to you like a Gentile and a tax collector." This does not mean to despise him, but to love him as one who needs Christ. The powers of binding and losing are given to me as a kingdom person through the Gospel. Just a reminder that the binding and losing takes place in the heavens and I am called to discern what my God is doing and follow his lead not the other way around. The Father has promised to be with me and answer my prayers when I am willing to sit down with my brother to resolve our conflict.

Father, thank you for your presence and power in my life to deal with conflict. Don't let fear hold me hostage to be nice and never deal with my issues. Set me free to welcome conflict as an opportunity to grow as a Christian and mature in my relationships.